What a fu**ed up country!

I was recently asked what the traffic laws around here were like and to be quite honest I don’t know. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of police around. I haven’t seen one police car and only a handful of police motorcycles.  There appears be a general lack of law enforcement. At least that is the way it has appeared to my untrained eye. But that all quickly changed yesterday. While out walking I saw what appeared to be a roadblock. Now my curiosity got the better of me and I walked up towards it to see what was happening. Not something I was comfortable with. Previous experiences, with Canadian police, have taught me that the police do not like to be observed, really don’t like to be questioned and can become completely unglued if they see a camera in your hand. So it was with a wee bit of trepidation that I began my observation of the aforementioned roadblock. Hear me out here the term roadblock may be a bit misleading. There was a road but it wasn’t blocked as we are used to seeing. If I may take a bit of journalistic license here let me call this a road-if-I-wave-my-hand-at-you-would–you-please-pullover-area. Now for a people who pride themselves on their minimal effort philosophies the road-blah-blah-pullover area name does seem to be a whole lot of effort if you are to compare to the our word; roadblock. At least that is what I thought at first. How quickly I was to learn that, yes I was once again mistaken. Which is fine for once I understand a mistake has been made I must be getting closer to understanding what really is taking place. Right? Oops there I go again, increasing that mistake column but now back to the Coppers.

There were eight of them standing along the road that day. Six of them impeccably dressed in light brown trousers and shirts, with creases ironed in just the right places. Forge caps, ties and dark black boots finished the uniform. The other two officers, whose uniforms were more a grey colouring and perhaps a bit less impeccable than their fellow officers in brown, also stood on the road that day. The other noticeable, and a very noticeable, difference between the two uniforms was the fact that the guys in grey had pistols on their hips. These were actually the first firearms I had seen since arriving in Thailand. Another misconception of Southeast Asian countries exposed. I thought all the cops carried M-16's. Damn that mistake list is going to be large.

So with my  bottle of water in hand I stood across the street and began to watch in earnest the shakedown by the Coppers I have heard is so common here in Thailand.  The shrill report of a starter’s whistle and the obviously practiced menacing loosed handed upside down wave was all that the officers used to bring the law breakers over to the side of the road.  No flashing lights. No barricades. Just a whistle and a wave was all that was needed. Pretty powerful stuff.

It was easy to ascertain the primary reason to have the police wave you over. It wasn’t because your scooter may have two, three or even four people on it. It wasn’t the fact that your scooter was seen carrying cargo, of any imaginable type, that was both larger and heavier than you and your bike combined. Even the lack of a license plate or lights drew nothing more than a mere glance. No what these conniving Coppers were after were those who dared ride around without a helmet. Or more precisely without a helmet on their head which I mention because many of those pulled over did in fact have helmets with them but not on their head.  Ya I don’t get it either.

Now after watching this for a while I noticed that the police were also watching me. This began to make me feel a tad uncomfortable especially when I saw one of the officers nudge his buddy and nod his head my way. I was quickly relieved though when they both looked my way and gave me a smile with a slight bow of their heads.  This is not the menacing cold dark eyed stare, which is I am certain is taught to the RCMP, that I was expecting.

OK so here we have eight cops and that many if not more motor scooters alongside the road when all of a sudden I see this motorcycle round the bend coming towards us and the driver had no helmet on his head. The officer in grey blows his whistle waves his hand and the cyclist drives right on by. OMG, I think to myself, the chase is on. Well nothing and I mean nothing at all happens. The officer did turn his head slightly but that was it. He didn’t draw his weapon. He didn’t get on his radio. He merely continued looking forward into the traffic waiting for the next helmet-less rider to come his way. After a short while and few more victims another cyclist sans helmet drove right around the menacing hand wave and the shrill whistle blow only to incur a hasty two quick steps of an officer in the direction of the fleeing criminal. This time for sure something was going happen. Maybe some helicopters or at least a motorcycle chase for Pete’s sake. Nope, nothing at all.   OK what was going on here? Was there perhaps a car hiding around the next corner waiting to give chase or a spike belt laid out to send the bike and evil rider into a death wobble? Surely something was being done to bring these rapscallions to justice. 

OK I’ve got to do it. I’ve got to find out what’s going on. So I screw up my courage and walk across the street to speak with the police. Something I would never do at home. At first the officer in grey looks at me and bows his head slightly and I reply in kind though with a more pronounced bow and a bringing together of my hands. I say hello and ask him what is the fine for having no helmet and the man grey informs me the fine is 400 Baht ($13). I then ask him if there is more police around the corner waiting to capture those who drive by without stopping and he looks at me with this look of unknowing on his face. I try the question again and again the same blank look so I thank the man with the gun and make my leave. Once across the street I pull out my camera and take a few pictures to which the officers look at me and smile. No dogs. No batons. No Tasers. Just smiles.

What a fu**ed up country.

A foot note to all this, I found out later, is that if the officer were to have taken three steps instead of the two that I had witnessed, well that would have meant the officer was probably almost really mad. Boy am I ever glad I didn’t have to witness that. Oh ya and everyone who didn’t have a helmet was allowed to drive away with nothing more than a 400 baht fine and a smile.